My Life Ain't A Movie
by midnightroyalty
Summary: This was not when he expected when he answered that unknown number but Kiba sure as hell didn't regret it. He got a boyfriend, a girlfriend, and reunited with new friends. [Kankuro centric tho]


**NARUTO does not belong to me. Mentions of other shows do not belong to me either. Only this almost nonexistent plot. This mentions polygamous so if that ain't your thing; don't bother reading unless you're curious.**

 **Some humor are mature and dark? So caution. This humor is not for everyone. I have warn you. (There's also lots of texting so warning as well.)**

 **ENJOY~!**

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

It's not everyday he gets an unknown number but this one, it's one of his favorites. This is their story.

[TEXT] I'm coming home for anal.

[UNKNOWN] You gonna buy lube? I ran out.

[TEXT] *A nap.

[UNKNOWN] That's a typo for the books.

No kidding. He wasn't getting enough sleep. Less work time; more nappy time for sure. Absolutely sure. At least he done this with an unknown number. They're strangers. His friends will never let him get over this.

[TEXT] I apologize. Although, I take it you like things going up your ass.

[UNKNOWN] If it's dick shape; I sure as hell do.

[TEXT] TMI ain't in your dictionary, huh.

[UNKNOWN] It's not like we ever going to met, man. Chill.

That's true. It's embarrassing in the future; good humor though.

[TEXT] Fine. Couple of things to ask.

[UNKNOWN] Hm?

[TEXT] City? Age? That's all I need to know.

[UNKNOWN] Konoha. 29 years old.

Lived in the same city. One year younger than him; not bad. Because honestly it's not like there's no one who's gay in this city. He's bisexual himself. Hell; most of his friends aren't hetero. Gay, ace, bi, demi, lesbian, pan. All kinds. Like only one is straight and he only tolerates him because of his other friends.

[TEXT] Same city. Year younger than I.

[UNKNOWN] Huh. What'da know.

[UNKNOWN] Last name?

[TEXT] Sabuku.

[UNKNOWN] Inuzuka.

Isn't that the clan where they loves animals? Especially dogs all breeds? Kankuro didn't know but he knows someone in his group would. He may live in Konoha but he was born and raised in Suna. A desert boy; not a city one. He's still getting used to the city life even when it's been five years.

[TEXT] Who's the head family of the Inuzuka's?

[QUEEN BLOSSOM] Uh. All I remember Kiba Inuzuka. He used to hang out with Naruto, Shino, and Lee until his clan's council forbid him interacting with other clans. Some territory thing.

[TEXT] … What does he look like? Today. Google. Facebook it please.

[QUEEN BLOSSOM] **ATTRACTS IMAGE**

Sonvabitch. That could be his boss. He might be texting his boss. He has a work phone issued by the company but it looks like his (might be) boss has a different phone too.

[QUEEN BLOSSOM] Are you sexting your boss?

[TEXT] I hope not.

[QUEEN BLOSSOM] Lol. Good luck.

[TEXT] When did your group fallen out w/ Kiba?

[QUEEN BLOSSOM] A year before you perm. Lived here.

That's not long ago.

[TEXT] Wish me luck, babe.

[QUEEN BLOSSOM] If it's Kiba; use "Butt Hair" and whatever my name is in your phone. He would know if it's him, darling.

[TEXT] This is why you're my favorite.

[QUEEN BLOSSOM] **HEART SYMBOL**

[TEXT] **RETURNS**

Kankuro let in a deep breath, count till six and let it out before he finally replied to his (might be) boss.

[UNKNOWN] Didn't scare you away, man?

[UNKNOWN] I'm known to be blunt around people; doesn't matter who.

Sent both ten minutes ago. Time flies by, huh.

[TEXT] You might know someone that I know. My best friend.

[UNKNOWN] Give me a hint. I wanna know

[TEXT] "Butt Hair." Queen Blossom.

[UNKNOWN] JESUS CHRIST!

Kankuro looked at the ceiling for strength but he did not whine or whimper. Not yet.

[TEXT] Familiar?

[UKNOWN] Sasuke fucking Uchiha. Sakura Haruno.

[TEXT] Hello Kiba Inuzuka.

[UNKNOWN] … I work with both Sabuku brothers.

Gaara is the head of the Sabuku company; one of the close allies of the Inuzuka company. This is why Temari groans. She hates that her brother does not always do his research before he looked for a permanent job.

[TEXT] You're my boss.

[UNKNOWN]...Kankuro?

[TEXT] Yup.

[BI BOSS] You're best friends with Sakura?

So he's not fired?

[TEXT] Am I fired? And yes, I am. Even before I moved here.

[BI BOSS] Why I gotta fire you? Also; would you do your boss a solid and give me her number?

Interesting. Kankuro raised a brow but he complied. No harm done right?

[TEXT] Sak, he asked for your number; so that unknown is him.

[QUEEN BLOSSOM]...I wasn't close to him but alright.

[TEXT] You might as well now.

[QUEEN BLOSSOM] Only my number. He only wants mine. He was close to Naruto and Shino even closer.

[TEXT] Change of heart?

[QUEEN BLOSSOM] Guess so.

Famous last words for both of them.

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXX**

It was the very next day where his boss stopped by his desk and leaned against the corner watching him. Kankuro looked at him with a smile. "Yes sir?" Best to be polite among colleagues especially bosses.

Kiba raised a brow at him amused. "Sir? Really. You got my number, I got to reconnect with an old friend, and you also found out I don't just like women. Imagine my amusement where you say sir."

Kankuro willed all his strength to not flush but since Kiba looked even more amused; he did not succeed. Damn it.

"Saku told me you and her weren't close but Naruto and Shino." Kankuro mumbled. At that; Kiba straighten up before he gestured him to follow him. He was lead to his boss's office which had dark curtains pulled all the way along with a soundproof office. Like there such be a reason he'll pay attention to that detail.

Famous last words, he would be musing later.

Both sat down on the couch once Kiba closed the door with a click. They faced each other for a moment before Kiba shrugged. "I was close to them; but I couldn't stand Sasuke. Sai even less. Because you see; you might have heard the mess with those two among the group yet?"

Kankuro nodded looking a little wide-eyed. Because it should be called a MESS all capitals like how FUBAR was. Because while he was in Suna at the time; he heard it on Skype thanks to Sakura; bless his wife.

His other sibling's other hand? Was there to witness it. Shitshow, both called it.

MESS was Sai and Sasuke causing a drift among friends; the ones who grew up together when they were in kindergarten. Naruto sided with Sasuke, of course, even when Sai made valid points.

Sasuke did not care about the others especially Naruto and Sakura. He treated them horrible because his issues back home with his father along with the pressure of his clan and arrange marriages which is apparently still a thing. He was not graceful of their kindness and it got to the point where Ino and Kiba (surprising) put their foot down and gestured loudly that Sasuke only cared about his clan's traditions and the new friends he made in Sound that one year he went aboard.

It was also the point where most friends picked Sai because even when he can be too blunt and has questionable humor among other things; he was kind. He showed it; emotionally and verbally of how he cared about the ones who became his friends.

He did not grow up in a clan but he knew he should not use that as the excuse to be an asshole to people who cared and loved you even on bad days. That's what it matters.

Honestly; there's more but neither man wanted to muse about it.

"Yea. Saku kept me updated on Skype."

"Why did you move here those years ago? Your siblings moved when you three befriended Naruto and Shikamaru also Sak."

"I had to make sure Sasori was going to live somewhere else. He can't get along with his grandmother; she lied too much and he couldn't handle it. So I helped him move far away from Suna. Took years since he wanted to live in Ami with the other Akatsuki members."

Kiba looked surprised. "He your cousin? I remember Gaara saying something like that."

"Yea. Second-removed. Father's side."

"Huh. I could see the resemblance to your brother. Not you nor Temari though."

Kankuro shrugged at that. He got that a lot.

"To answer your question; I wanted to get close to Sakura; she was nice and we had more in common than we both thought but I was late since that clan bullshit. I got it covered since I can talk to her and you now."

"What even happened with the clan in the first place. Saku said it was a territory thing."

"She's right about that. The clan didn't want to share secrets to success; whatever, so they forbid me and my sister to stop chatting with the others. We had to. We were in constant monitored so we couldn't even go in secret. Ma got fucking pissed when it reached her—she was on vacation- and replaced all of them. Dunno what happened; they ain't dead or ma would be in prison." Kiba snorted shrugging. He gave him a small titled grin.

"So that took… what? How much time passed?" Kankuro manage to say after he thought about it. He's going to tell Sakura because honestly? It can be eery on how his wife be right when she's not from a clan like Sai. Just a semi-rich family that got that million shot at success.

Kiba looked down before he leaned against the cushion. "This year; it finally ended. Now I got the company because ma and sis didn't wanna deal with it. Said and written with their permission I could change what the company could do; so here you fucking go. Your job among the others."

That explains the shock reactions.

"So Naruto is out with the reuniting. Shino?"

"It got awkward after the one night stand."

Ah. Change subject.

"Alright. Ino and Sai?" Kankuro asked eying his boss who looked amused again. Thank fuck. Sakura has told him; when it comes to mistakes like one night stands; he's awful comforting people and he listens to her.

"Honestly. If I had to pick; it would be just Sakura from the gang for now. I might contact Ino, Sai and maybe Shikamaru. I never lost contact with Hinata since the alliances between the main Hyuuga clan and mine. So she's included. The other Hyuuga branch is also out since Neji and I didn't really see eye to eye. I was never close enough to TenTen and Lee to call them friends. Just friend-of-friend situation."

Kiba looked at him for a long moment. Kankuro just pursed his lips and looked around. It was a nice office; very home? God. His social interactions only goes to Sakura, Temari, Gaara, and sometimes Sasori. Matsuri used to be one but after that nasty breakup; they decided to mutually quit speaking to another.

"I'mma include you with my social circle. You cool with Hinata? I know you got good relations with both sibs." Kiba finally said bringing back Kankuro's attention.

"Hinata and I get along, yeah."

"Neat. Then it's settled. Call me Kiba even at work."

Kiba holds out his hand cheeky. Kankuro rolled his eyes before shaking his hand.

"Just for that; I hope you get included in the group chat by the wife," Kankuro replied without thinking. He wanted to smack his head against the glass table when Kiba looked amused once again.

"Does Sakura know you call her the wife?" Kiba asked amused. His raised his brows afterwards.

"Ask her yourself." Kankuro managed before he got up and left before Kiba could ask any more questions.

He heard delighted laughter and he did not like it. At all. Ugh.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

[BAD WOLF] He calls you the wife. Really?

[QUEEN] Did you make him nervous because he lets out secrets when so.

[BAD WOLF] Apparently. Is that a secret? What kind relationship you got? You over Sasuke?

Sakura narrowed her eyes at the text. Before she let out a sigh; five years and so without contact until now. She is reminded once again. Let it fucking go~!

He's gonna be curious especially since he only wants to include herself and Kankuro in his very small social circle. Which is nice and understanding.

[QUEEN] Not really. It's just not everyone would understand endearments for friends if they don't have/used Tumblr.

[BAD WOLF] You could never see the word daddy the same again with that hellsite.

Absolutely correct.

[QUEEN] How long you joined?

[BAD WOLF] Old enough to see the beloved Jennifer Lawrence to fall into someone who does respect other cultures.

[QUEEN] Old. Misha apocalypse?

[BAD WOLF] :/

She snorted. Of course he would see that as well.

[QUEEN] 2011. You?

[BAD WOLF] Late 2012.

[QUEEN] You seen shit.

[BAD WOLF] I have.

[BAD WOLF] Don't change the subject, dear.

She raised a brow. Dear? He looked like the type to call someone doll but she must be reading too much Captain America fics on AO3.

… _Oh. Hello mental image_. Him cosplaying Bucky Barnes? Not bad at all.

[QUEEN] No secret among friends. Close friends. Yes and I no longer talk to him. Butt hair would have given you a hint, fella.

[BAD WOLF] I knew I choose you for a reason. Is Naruto still in contact?

[QUEEN] Not really. They had a fallen out. The clans still have joint family dinners though so imagine that awkwardness.

[BAD WOLF] FUBAR.

She laughed.

"Is it Sasuke? What made you laugh." A voice asked behind her. She looked over her shoulder before she rolled her eyes. Sharing a floor with Karin was not her taste. They get along fine but she needs days where she just does not want to see anyone from Sound; Tayuya would always be an exception.

"I don't speak to Sasuke, Karin. You want him; go find him." Sakura replied rolling her eyes before she replied Kiba while she had him in mind. When it comes to these things and work; she tends to forget to text back.

"We're among friends," Karin replied cheekily. Before she could say more; Tayuya pushed her from the door to get Sakura because yes; fellow pinkette to the rescue.

"I made her laugh, Miss-Straight." The women, her hero, replied before grabbing Sakura and dragging her away. Tayuya grinned at Sakura who grinned back.

Let's settle this before the story continues.

Sexuality speaking: Sakura (pansexual), Ino (bisexual), Hinata (demisexual), Temari (bisexual), Kin (lesbian), Tayuya (lesbian), TenTen (straight), Karin (Sasuke straight), Konan (graysexual).

Carry on.

"I love that you're Hinata lover among my hero. She and I get along but..."

"She's draining if she mentions Sasuke."

Tayuya and Sakura gave each other a look. They went separated ways once Sakura went outside.

[QUEEN] You want Karin's number?

[BAD WOLF] I ain't sharing the suffering with you.

She pouted.

That was two months ago. Let's fast paced to where it gets even more interesting, hm?

XXXXXXXX

"Ya know; I never thought I'd be under my boss but I'm not saying anything, not implying, but I would imagine a scenario," Kankuro replied laying on his stomach with Kiba on his back who snorted.

"We got time. Tell me all the dirty details." Kiba whispered in his ear and he grinned when Kankuro shivered.

"Do you not know how anal sex works? Use your imagination." Kankuro replied dully.

"Everyone does it differently though. Some won't rim it. Some use different lube or have to substitute. Some use toys before they stick it in. Some-" Kiba was cut off when Kankuro moved him and laid on his side running his hand down his face.

Kiba laid on his side and watched him smiling. "Getting your imagination worked up? Art school teachers would be so proud." He whispered. He laid his hand on Kankuro's hip because between them and Sakura? Very close friends.

"I love and hate you right now." Kankuro groaned laying on his back causing Kiba's hand to place on his thigh. Neither removed it so it stayed.

Kiba snorted before leaning down to place a kiss on Kankuro's cheek. Kankuro titled his head at his direction wordlessly. Kiba, smiling, kissed on the lips.

Very close friends.

"I know we wanted to play Twister but we can always fix the rules to add this. I do not mind." Ino replied smirking with her hands on her hips.

Sakura raised her glass at them wordlessly grinning.

Kiba and Kankuro got up from the twister sheet and sit on both sides of Sakura and leaned against her. "We don't need games to kiss," Kiba whispered.

"You just wanna kiss Sakura and Kankuro, man," Shikamaru replied amused who had Temari leaning against him. His girlfriend didn't even bat an eyelash. Because really? A polygamous relationship between the three?

Not so bad really.

Kiba raised his hand grinning. "Guilty."

Kankuro rolled his eyes while Sakura kissed Kiba's cheek. Kiba returned the smooch grinning still.

That was last night, Kiba mused staring at Kankuro from his desk. He had the curtains pulled away enough to watch some workers especially Kankuro. He waved when Kankuro turned to look at him; sensing he was being watched.

Kankuro looked annoyed and amused. Common.

Kiba blew a kiss. Kankuro flipped him off and turned back to his work.

Kiba grinned.

[TOP DOG] Kanky flipped me off.

[DOLLFACE] At work? He got some balls.

[TOP DOG] I would be delighted to let him see them.

[DOLLFACE] Kiba Inuzuka, you are impossible.

[TOP DOG] You love it, Sak. Don't lie.

[DOLLFACE] Possible.

Kankuro came in office crossing his arms. He eyed him. "Screenshot" Kankuro explained to the unspoken question.

Kiba didn't even try to look innocent. He just waggled his brows.

"Close the door and curtains," Kiba replied giving him a heated look which made Kankuro licked his lips before following directions. "Lock it." Kankuro followed again.

Remember why he remembers the soundproof office and dark curtains in the beginning? Because apparently, he's not quiet at all when he's getting paid back for the blow job he gave to Kiba.

Ain't that something?

Two hours passed after that. Kankuro was laying on Kiba's lap who was playing with his hair. He also had an unlit cigarette hanging from his lips. Kiba hardly smokes. Would only smoke in a joint family dinner among other clans. Apparently there a little old custom in social gathering where people smoke and drink.

So Bewitched wasn't completely made believe.

"So we kissed, give each other hickies, and amazing blow jobs. What a good day. I wanna do it more on more days." Kiba whispered.

"My sister remarked a polygamous relationship between us and the wife," Kankuro replied but he laced his fingers with Kiba to signal his agreement.

"Would the wife want that? I got vibes when she's around Tayuya," Kiba mused flickering the cigarette in the trashcan. He's starting to call the pinkette wife too to Sakura's amusement.

"Sakura may be pansexual but that does not mean she did not have a history with Tayuya and Hinata once or twice. Didn't get all the details. She's secretive." Kankuro confessed much to Kiba's delight.

"I choose her for so many reasons," Kiba reply with a grin.

Kankuro snorted.

"Pro lesbian?" He asked dully.

Kiba rolled his eyes. "I visit the gay section more, thanks."

Explains the attention with my dick, Kankuro mused.

"We can always ask her."

"Yea."

A moment passed.

"Text her, you shit," Kiba said laughing.

Right. He's the closest to a phone. He grabbed and eyed the phone before Kiba used his other hand to placed in his password with a small smile. He was slow enough to let Kankuro memorized it since he knew his password. Kanky never showed him, no, it's just easy to guess that's the wife's birthday.

"How would you say it?" Kankuro asked scrolling through the contacts before Kiba pointed at her name listed. Kankuro gave him a look; Kiba shrugged.

"Dollface. Really babe?"

Kiba smiled at the endearment. "Tumblr discussion made us bond over Captain America fics as well." He replied.

"Stucky?" Kankuro guessed because yeah; that bond between the Brooklyn boys is interesting. Read the ones that Sakura discussed with him and Yahiko and Konan on Skype's group call.

Everyone agreed on one certain story was too angst and it took many fics to forget it enough so it won't be repeated like a song in their head.

"Yeah. She read over two hundred stories about them and I was amazed." Kiba replied before he pinch Kankuro's cheek and gestured to his phone.

[TOP DOG] Polygamous relationship. Yay or nay?

"Top dog? Really?"

"Hush."

"What's with your nicknames? I'm afraid to ask mine."

Kiba grabbed his phone and scrolled to show him with a smile.

"I ain't ever going to get that out of my head, thanks, babe."

"You're welcome, dear."

[DOLLFACE] … With who?

"Damn."

"Jesus Christ. Sakura grew up amazing."

[TOP DOG] Kankuro and me. Who do you think?

"You can guess me pretty well. You pay attention, I like that."

"I can be observant."

"Yep."

[DOLLFACE] Really.

Kiba decided to call her and put her on speaker before she begun to speak. When she said hello; he explained quite detailed much to Kankuro's horror and Sakura's amusement after she got over being stunned.

"Hear us out, doll. It'll be fun since we're already close due to short time. I already kissed you both; lips, cheeks, forehead, and once on the nose. Why not more? I like you both, ya know. Besides hell not awhile; Kankuro and I gave each other hickies before blowjobing each other. Which was fun. Ten/ten would do it again."

"She was not kidding about you being blunt, asshole," Kankuro mumbled trying to will down that damn flush.

Kiba grabbed Kankuro's chin, lifted it, and pressed a kiss for a long moment before he winked. It made the blush worse which was he hoping.

"You had oral sex in your office..." Sakura replied finally. They heard a hoot and Hinata's shuttering for her girlfriend to quite her voice down.

"We sure did~!"

"You are the worst."

"You like it.

"Some days."

He'll take it.

Kankuro got up from where he was laying on the floor; wincing when he did so. Kiba followed taking Kankuro by the hand and leading him to the couch. He pushed him to lay him before straddling him with a smile aim at him holding up the phone.

"How about it? You got us on speaker since I just heard Hina and Taya's voice. Thanks for your support, sweetheart."

They heard Tayuya making a kissy sound and Hinata's quiet welcome. When Sakura answered; she sounded fond. "How would that work out?"

"Once or twice with those two girls ring any bells?"

"CASUAL SEX MAN. NO RELATIONSHIP." Tayuya screamed and Hinata shuttered to not tell anyone.

Kankuro blinked upwards at Kiba who grinned. "Wild. Anyway; it's easy enough. Do you know anyone else with a polygamous relationship?"

"Konan is dating both of her childhood buddies but she's busy with her art studio. She's launching a website to sell her art among other things." Sakura informed.

"This group is so adventurous. I am glad I am slowly coming back to this clusterfuck we crazy lot call friends," Kiba replied cheerily before he slowly laid down on Kankuro who simply wrapped his arms around his waist.

"You're even gladder because Sasuke is moving," Ino's voice was heard.

"What?" Sakura asked.

"Sound. Next week with his new friends that's been with him at his lowest. She's right, Karin is absolutely right. They want toxic in their lives; they are hundred percent welcome to it!" Ino shouted gleeful. "By the way; just fuckin act like it's a regular relationship with a bonus. That's my advice. I'mma take a nap before I snap that redhead's little bitch neck." She was heard walking up the stairs a moment later.

"I wanna see that," Tayuya whispered.

"Anyway," Sakura voiced out sighing. "Thanks to Ino; sure we'll try it out. Not a big fan of sex though; I like other things." She replied.

"We ain't sex machines so we're cool with that," Kankuro replied and Kiba nodded before he voiced it out when Kankuro smacked his butt to say it.

"Ghost Whisperer. I have seen that show. I love it. Only five seasons and it was canceled?" Temari's voice was heard and Kankuro winced before he hissed.

"Sakura. Do not tell her I had sex with my boss at work." Kankuro whispered.

"Kankuro got laid," Tayuya replied cheerfully.

"You should have told her than the wife," Kiba whispered back trying to hold back laughter at his horrified expression.

"That's nice of him. Who was the lucky person?"

Even he's terrified; he felt warmth in his chest when she didn't say specific pronouns.

"His hand. He just jerked off!" Sakura shouted cheerfully before she ended the call with Tayuya laughing and Temari whispering oh my God.

Kiba lost it. He laughed until he cried buying his tearful face into Kankuro's neck who was too stunned to speak. "Dollface, I love you." He whispered smiling.

"What the fuck..." Kankuro whispered finally before he let out a shaky sigh but he was trying not to smile but apparently, he can't do that around Kiba who pressed his lips against his; staring at him with his own smile.

"She saved your ass, baby," Kiba whispered.

"Yeah, she did. I love my wife."

"Our wife."

"Our wife.

They grinned at each other.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"And that's how this polygamous relationship happened. No regrets. I love them. I wish I could marry them both but I am fine with just dating. Because I am happy and they're happy; that's what matters." Kankuro finished with a smile.

Temari's eyes were wide while Gaara pursed his lips to not smile. Rasa was gaping and Kurara was trying not to laugh because honestly? She did the same in college. The other Sabuku members and relatives?

Sasori was biting his lip to keep from smirking too wide because honestly? This is the good feeling he got when he accepted the invite. Good job Sakura.

Chiyo had her hand over her eyes and has not said a word.

Ebizo was smiling and he raised his glass in congratulations.

The others? Well, we leave it to your imagination.

To sweeten the deal by not only having Kiba and Sakura watching with big open smiles in the corner; Kankuro was wearing a black t-shirt that said: "You'd understand if you met my family."

 **FIN.**

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

 **Here's a one-shot that features mainly Kiba/Kankuro with an implied threesome with their wife, Sakura. I wanna worked with all pairings once I read them. I read Kankuro/Kiba fics. I read Kiba/Sakura fics. I read Kankuro/Sakura fics as well. So might as well combine all, right?**

 **I made this noticeably LGBTQ friendly because they exist and should exist in stories so I hope I did decent justice because I know I didn't write them all in detail; as little detail the whole story was. I tend to write straight to the point; oops.**

 **I hope you love this one-shot. If you wish to request your own polygamous or monogamous; please feel free to ask in the comments. No pressure.**

 **Just be careful with kinks and no ship wars. I've been in this fandom since I've been in 5th grade and I was around 9 or 10 years old. I'm 22; going on 23 in December. So I've seen the shitstorm concerning ships for _literally years_. Man; you thought high school hook ups, love triangles, forced hetero ships in movies was awful. **

**(Yes, I do ship Stucky. I also love Ghost Whisperer; one of the very few shows that can make me tear up.)**

 **See ya later, dears!**


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